THE ART OF CHOOSING LOVE
Michael J. Roads
I am surprised how often a person writes, or says to me that they have no idea how to choose Love. It was requested that because “. . . consciously choose Love!” has become my tagline, maybe I would write an explanation.
As a generalisation, people live either head-first or heart-first. This is not a hard and fast rule; it is simply my observation of the often unrecognised difference between these two types of people. Obviously it is more difficult to choose Love when we are head-focussed than if we are more heart-oriented. I used to wonder if this head-first or heart-first way of living is a learned behaviour from childhood, or if it is simply the differences in our inherent nature; I decided on the latter.
We have become very strongly reactive as a species . . . and choosing Love is the opposite of a reaction! Fear reacts negatively; Love responds positively. Reactions are based in old modes of living, and even though reactions seldom ever solve anything, most people seem to keep on negatively reacting to stressful situations. The reality is that because we so predominantly live with subconscious reactions, seldom actually choosing our response in a moment of stress, we are now a race of people where many of us do not know how to choose Love.
To Love, or to choose Love, is a conscious act. We cannot Love subconsciously. So while we live subconsciously — and most people do — we will be challenged when it comes to choosing and expressing Love. Add to this the stress and pressures of our everyday living, and it is easy to see why we angrily and aggressively react to situations, no matter how inappropriate.
I am not going to attempt an explanation of Love. It is intrinsic to our human nature to Love, and be Loved. The huge proliferation of pets is a testament to people needing to be loved, for pets supply this in abundance, particularly dogs. It is a well researched fact that many elderly people in retirement homes who avoid close contact with humans, will smile in delight while they stroke one of the trained dogs that visit such homes. If we were to Love ourselves unconditionally, there would be far fewer pets, simply because we would not have the current need.
So . . . how do we choose Love? First and foremost, we need to be aware and conscious. When we are in a situation that suddenly becomes stressful, we need to take a moment to still the raging mind, to quieten the churning thoughts, to relax the turmoil of emotions, and to allow a few more moments to switch from the brains isolationist point of view to a deep, holistic, heart connection. The brain tends to see life through the lens of drama, and a problem has got to be somebody’s fault . . . “Oh good, now I know it’s his fault so I’m going to have a blame tantrum!” The heart has a very different life view. “Oh, that’s was silly of me (or them), but . . . no problem. I can deal with it. In fact, this is a good moment for me to . . . choose Love!”
Every time you manage to choose Love, you are strengthening your heart connection while reducing your automatic brain reaction. This is powerful! I am never flippant when I suggest choosing Love. To choose Love is a big deal. Every time you make that choice it is a life-changing action. Choosing Love creates a gradual restructuring of your whole life. Choosing Love is an action that comes from the moment, never from the past. Choosing Love is always a conscious action, and herein lies its power. When you choose Love you are consciously making a huge life statement of taking back your power and of your inner-growth.
So what is this Love you are choosing? It begins with caring for yourself, acknowledging your competence and ability. It is about choosing kindness and compassion for yourself, as well as all others concerned. Choosing Love so often means breaking out of a negative and reactive pattern of thought/behaviour, and making a choice which is uplifting for yourself and for other people. It means not giving way to anger, not lashing out with words and spite, but taking time to inner reflect on the best and kindest way through the situation for everyone. It also means being vulnerable and open.
Being vulnerable is a self-empowering action. People have built-in emotional defences today, they are so afraid of being helpless and vulnerable. Oftentimes it is an automatic defence and attack, mostly with disastrous results. There are two types of vulnerability; there is the vulnerability of the very young, the very old, and the sick, and then there is the vulnerability we choose by being open and powerful. As a public figure, I choose to be vulnerable in front of large groups of people. I am aware of choosing not to be defensive or reactive. I accept that whatever anyone says about me is their reality, not mine. If they verbally attack me, I know that they constantly verbally attack themselves. This brings up compassion, not anger. I no longer personalise verbal attack. I used too, but I also had to learn to choose Love! So, when I write or say . . . choose Love, I know that this is possible for all of us . . . if we make that in-the-moment choice!
Some of us will do it quickly and easily, while the majority will have to learn a new trick. And you can do this. Right now, choosing Love in the midst of confusion, or anger, or unfair criticism, is you taking back your power and rewriting your future. Rewriting your future — we are in times of major change. Every time you act in a way whereby you are consciously choosing to be Loving, powerful and positive, you are creating a new you. Even more than this, you are putting Love into the One human consciousness. And right now, nothing is more appropriate. So, consciously . . . choose Love!